Michael Jordan Killed the Fil-Am Mullet

Michael Jordan Killed the Fil-Am Mullet
by conrad panganiban

Will - Early 20's
Theo - Early 20's
Lisa - Early 20's

Setting: Theo's kitchen. Early 1990's.

WILL
Hey Theo. Theo! Lemme in fool! Open up! Hey... Waaasssuuup?!

THEO
Hey. 'Sup Will?

WILL
What's wrong with you?

THEO
Shhh... not too loud. Words of advice... don't ever something called a 'Tequila Popper!' Oh, my head.

WILL
That'll teach you to get drunk for the 3rd time this week.

THEO
It's Spring Break... It's what we're supposed to do. Speaking of which, where the hell was your ass last night? I kept paging you. Jocelyn Enriquez performed at DV8.

WILL
I'll catch her next week at the Fiesta, but last night, I was busy.

THEO
Too busy for (singing and dancing) I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND I DON'T Ouch! My head...

WILL
Where do you keep the aspirin? Take this. I was talking to Lisa last night.

THEO
If you're not talking about Lisa Lisa from the Cult Jam, I'm not listening.

WILL
No. Lisa from Chicago.

THEO
Oh, yeah (yawns) that girl you met at your cousin's debut.

WILL
No, she's my sister's College roommate.

THEO
Same thing. Hey, can we hook up a little later? I need my beauty rest.

WILL
I don't have forever to wait for your beauty to come around. She's on her way here and I need your skills.

THEO
Not now, man. I can't even think straight.

WILL
C'mon. She'll be here soon. My sister's picking her up from the airport and I can't have her seeing me with my hair looking like this!

THEO
Just put on a hat!

WILL
I want to impress her.

THEO
If you want to do that, why don't you just take her to the Warriors' game against the Bulls tonight?

WILL
Duh. That's why she's flying in. C'mon, Theo. Hook a brotha up.

THEO
You coulda hooked me up with a ticket to the game too.

WILL
One step ahead of you, Bro.

THEO
Sit down.

WILL
Thanks, man. Wait 'til you meet her. She's great!

THEO
Yeah. Yeah.

WILL
Remember the way I like it. Short on the sides...

THEO
And long in the back. I know.

WILL
We talked for hours last night about everything. Like the new BoyzIIMen CD and even the OJ thing in the Ford Bronco. You'll love her, Theo. Theo!

THEO
What?

WILL
Dude, you were falling asleep! I heard a snore!

THEO
If your story about Lisa wasn't so damn boring, I'd be awake.

WILL
Shut up and cut. She even told me that Filipinos are different out here than in the Midwest.

THEO
Yeah? (yawn)

WILL
Yup yup. She says that she's never even heard the word 'hella' before.

THEO
Yeah. (yawn) Hella interesting.

WILL
Remember. Keep in long in the back. Hey. Do you still have any more spray in the Aquanet can? I wanna spike my hair in front.

THEO
Yeah... I got.... .... Oh shit!

WILL
What?

THEO
Nothing. Nothing! I'm awake. I'm awake. You said that she's flyin' in just for the game?

WILL
Hopefully not just for the game, if you know what I mean. But, yeah, she got mad knowledge about basketball. Well, duh, she's from Chicago. Home of the greatest basketball player to ever live.

THEO
Bill Weddington?

WILL
No, fool! Michael Jordan. That's her favorite player.

THEO
Yeah. That's cool.

WILL
Are you done yet? Where's the mirror?

THEO
Not yet!!! Uh, almost done.

WILL
Everything okay?

THEO
Of course! Why'd you ask? Everything's fine. Perfect even. You just haven't... had a hair cut in a long while. Yeah. Lots of hair. Lots of it...

WILL
Dude. I'm a guy. I don't have that much hair... which is all on the... floor?! What the hell?! Where's the mirror?!! Where's the... What the hell did you do to my head?!

THEO
I told you I was tired... besides it's the new thang?

WILL
Short on the sides - not all the way around!

THEO
The Fil-Am mullet is going out of style anyways.

WILL
Then let me get rid of yours!

THEO
Now, let's not talk crazy!

WILL
I'll kill you! Where's the knife? You're dead! Come back here!

(Enter LISA)

LISA
Uh, Hi. I'm Lisa. Will's sister found a note saying that Will would be here. But I can come back later...

WILL
Lisa. Hi! It's me. Will!

LISA
I didn't recognize you without your...

THEO
Mullet?

LISA
I was going to say hair.

WILL
Uh, yeah. My EX-best friend and next door neighbor got a little carried away with the clippers, and...

LISA
No need to explain. I kinda like it. The shape of your head looks a lot like Michael Jordan's. I really like it. Especially, how it feels...

WILL
You do?

LISA
Hella.


THE END

NOTE: This is written as an exercise for my Playwriting Workshop. The workshop is offered through Bindlestiff Studio in San Francisco for their Stories High Program. The assignment: Write a scene with two characters in which character A wants something from B, and gets it or doesn't get it, but in getting/not getting it, gets a third, unexpected thing.